God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.†\nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
