At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize