she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
