But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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