We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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