im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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