Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize