Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so let's talk penis.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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