is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
