Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
