Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
