If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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