Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
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