why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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