They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
