The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
