Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
