You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
