can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
