i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i believe in u and ur pee
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
