hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
