listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
