I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
