Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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