Banned from zoo.
Again?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Houston, we have a squirter
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
