You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
