I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
