I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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