I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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