It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
