im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
