Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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