You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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