Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
