I wish my penis had an off switch
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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