saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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