I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
