why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
