sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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