he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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