I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
