If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
