you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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