i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
