Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
