so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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