I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need to sanitize my soul.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
