She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
