Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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