worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
