I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
