alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
