The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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