I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
