do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
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I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize