His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
