Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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