This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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