I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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