I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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