11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He kissed a someone with a penis
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
