I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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