Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
