But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Randomize
