You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
