it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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