strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
