I'm drive I can fine osifer
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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