he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
