So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
