I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
