Im at strip club and am horny
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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