I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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