ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The beer is more important than you right now.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
