I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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