He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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