i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
