he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
