dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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