Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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